Oops
Never again will I reply to a work email with "regards" because the letter g and t are too close together.
2011-05-12 09:30:29 / Rating: 887.75 / 
Story archives - tag: "work"
Lindsey
After hearing a colleague describe being shaken up after watching a homeless man die earlier that day, we sat in the break room telling morbid death jokes for half an hour.
2011-04-18 15:23:54 / Rating: 381.75 /
freeloveforfoxes
After we were introduced, she looked at me as though she were piecing together all the particles of shit she had heard about me and relating them to my face.
2011-01-06 16:32:06 / Rating: 397.5 /
work sentence
A friend and I tried making our own version of One Sentence at work, but all we got back were poor motivational one liners and complaints about spammed inboxes.
2010-11-10 15:39:14 / Rating: 288.75 /
Greg
Clicking "publish" on that article about toilet paper convinced me that being an editor is terrible for my soul.
2010-11-04 12:21:00 / Rating: 343.5 /
Amedala
Alone at the research lab with a two-inch goldfish keeping her company, she brewed her first cup for the day, took a deep breath and began to write her story.
2010-10-07 16:14:37 / Rating: 207.75 /
Jordan
Water Aerobics: 30% working out 70% floating around gossiping.
2010-09-09 08:28:16 / Rating: 444.25 /
7Mondays
The funny looks from my wife and the lack of morning traffic on the way to work should have clued me in, but it wasn't until I saw the empty parking out that I realized it was Saturday.
2010-08-31 12:12:39 / Rating: 412.75 /
growl owl
Having discovered One Sentence last summer at a job I quit soon after, I find myself rediscovering it almost a year later, at the same job, about to quit again.
2010-06-08 11:57:34 / Rating: 285.75 /
katla the dancer
Once the sweat dried, the blood clotted, and the bones healed, I got out onstage with my dance company and won best performance in the state of California.
2010-05-17 14:44:18 / Rating: 332.75 /
too much internet
Getting paid to goof off really isn't as awesome as you would think.
2010-03-13 22:23:48 / Rating: 472.75 /
Customer Support
When she started the call by referring to her computer as her TV, saying she couldn't bring up her "Wahoo," I knew I was in for a fun call.
2010-01-19 16:20:13 / Rating: 464 /
Always right
It cost you two weeks, $15,000 and numerous complaints from other employees, only to discover I was right all along.
2009-10-23 12:37:41 / Rating: 309 /
April
A student tried to stab me, and an administrator harassed me, and because I stuck it out until he asked me to resign, I'm the one with a record.
2009-10-12 12:04:34 / Rating: 293 /
Fired by God
Today I was fired from Barnes and Noble because a customer complained that I had stocked Christian Bibles in the fiction section.
2009-09-14 11:14:14 / Rating: 805.5 /
His Gal Friday
In a passive-aggressive defense to his passive-aggressive attitude, I didn't tell my boss about the mustard on his lip right before his big meeting.
2009-07-13 16:01:23 / Rating: 258.5 /
west
At work, I routinely have to ask people if they have rhinestones on their underwear.
2009-07-10 11:11:24 / Rating: 312.5 /
Lewis H.
Ronald Reagan's robe fell open in front of me and there he was naked as the day he was born.
2009-06-29 14:02:34 / Rating: 354 /
MsInformed
I realized how much I hated working in the OC when I saw a couple pushing a stroller meant for twins, and instead of twins it contained four poodles wearing pink argyle sweaters.
2009-03-19 08:57:33 / Rating: 801 /
BadBoss
All I said was that her Facebook page needed to be more professional, and she started crying.
2009-02-06 14:12:27 / Rating: 366 /
Raines
I have been cooking professionally for 12 years and the worst burn I ever got was from a pop-tart.
2009-02-06 14:09:37 / Rating: 645.5 /
annalee
I had to explain I'd lose my job as a swimming teacher if someone drowned in my class, again.
2009-01-29 09:57:54 / Rating: 416 /
for Zandra
You know work is exciting when in the same week you can say, "I got attacked by an angry black midget" and "I was bitten by a lesbian stripper."
2008-12-12 09:22:25 / Rating: 718.75 /
Emms
I only have 70 days left to live, but I'm looking for a job anyway.
2008-10-07 15:15:51 / Rating: 683.5 /
Someone
A failed suicide attempt on Tuesday night makes it hard to care on Thursday when your boss is mad you stayed home sick on Wednesday.
2008-08-22 13:56:03 / Rating: 804.75 /
Youth Minister
Its four in the morning, I'm still sitting at Denny's smoking, and I just now realized that it's because going to sleep means having to wake up tomorrow.
2008-07-30 14:34:41 / Rating: 482.5 /
he told me i'd argue with a stop sign...
Going up in the elevator at 7:59 a.m. on the dot like always, I realized that my ride on the elevator is never quite long enough.
2008-07-29 12:15:49 / Rating: 326.25 /
Bean
I took note when he pronounced it "lie-berry" so that no one in the office could call me arrogant for considering myself smarter than my boss.
2008-07-09 17:38:32 / Rating: 413.5 /
Maggie
I used to want to be a writer when I grew up, until I learned the word "poverty."
2008-05-28 15:56:22 / Rating: 541.25 /
chieromancer
After my boss told me "I can treat you any way I want to because I pay you," I asked him, "Did they teach you that in MBA school or in church?"
2008-05-07 12:20:58 / Rating: 517.25 /
Chad
Today I've identified 15 objects on my desk that could kill a person.
2008-04-25 10:37:37 / Rating: 696.5 /
honez
Oh please, no, not reply all, NO!
2008-03-19 10:04:14 / Rating: 598.25 /
HoustonReceptionist
I tried to say "nice to meet you" to the President of my company, but could only get a muffled word out before I choked on my half-chewed-but-not-quite-swallowed animal crackers dipped in peanut butter.
2008-02-20 12:48:48 / Rating: 535 /
Ol
While on my way to the office this morning, I realised I really should be less careful when crossing the road.
2008-01-22 18:13:54 / Rating: 517 /
Ssshhh...
I really wish my new office mate could tell a story in one sentence.
2007-12-28 13:53:17 / Rating: 628 /
Jessica
The first clue it's been a long day is when you profess your love to the vending machine down the hall.
2007-12-03 15:16:43 / Rating: 535.25 /
indi
Sitting at work, editing boring conference sound clips, all I wanted to do was save them under the "Death Metal" Genre and see if anyone noticed.
2007-11-30 13:38:11 / Rating: 412.25 /
Holy Roller Novocaine
I may have cost my company ten million dollars yesterday, but it's more important for me right now to figure out who in my office I would cast in 'Office Space' roles.
2007-11-07 13:13:45 / Rating: 451 /
The Song In My Head
Our manager didn't know that you had to push a button to make the drive-thru window open again so her face got stuck.
2007-10-29 10:14:57 / Rating: 699.5 /
normal
I only have to write one more page for this project that's due tomorrow that I've been working on for three days straight, and I have writer's block.
2007-10-29 10:09:41 / Rating: 357 /
Pharmacy Tech
As I handed Mr. Paul his wife's prescription-strength deodorant, I commented on the nice weather we were having, and he responded, "Once while I was in the Pacific, a cloud followed me around for a year, and all the boys would say, 'Here comes ol' McGinty.'"
2007-10-22 14:08:05 / Rating: 479.75 /
lifeguard
I'm afraid someone is going to drown because I stare at the hot lifeguard instead of the children swimming.
2007-10-02 15:45:14 / Rating: 391 /
Lorilou
My trust in the postal system was destroyed the day we received dead cockroaches in the mail.
2007-09-28 17:10:28 / Rating: 572.5 /
Erzulie
I think that I must be the only one who observes soberly dressed office workers on their way to and from work and wonders if they are wearing brightly coloured underwear beneath their suits.
2007-09-27 12:28:46 / Rating: 661 /
Doug Young
I've stopped dancing on my work desk after hours ever since I learned anyone can see right through the blinds.
2007-09-24 09:32:59 / Rating: 457 /
bubblegirl
After seeing the tears on my keyboard I now realize why they say office relationships are not a good idea.
2007-09-21 15:20:14 / Rating: 479.25 /
4L
The fact that I do more work than I need to to avoid going home makes me realize I need to get away for good.
2007-09-21 15:19:48 / Rating: 523.75 /
overworked
I've just realized being a wage slave does not fit in my scheme of things.
2007-09-19 15:02:29 / Rating: 401.75 /
Christie
I should've known it would be a long day when I managed to lock myself out of my apartment twice before 7am.
2007-09-13 13:55:35 / Rating: 505.25 /
Coworker
My incompetent coworker is telling anyone who will listen that she was written up because of me, even though I didn't even work here then.
2007-08-24 16:30:45 / Rating: 423.25 /
Oh man.
I lost a huge chunk of my thumb, which is better than the foot I could have lost had I let it drop.
2007-08-03 15:43:16 / Rating: 456 /
Shaniqua
I slammed my finger in the till at work today and told my boyfriend it would definitely have to be amputated at the shoulder.
2007-08-01 12:39:52 / Rating: 552.25 /
Katy
Today, a lady called my manager and referred to me and the other host as "incompetent idiots."
2007-07-31 14:35:58 / Rating: 418.5 /
Juju
Our non-bi-lingual manager was highly embarrased to find he had been screaming not praise, but "Cheese! Cheese!" at everyone in spanish.
2007-07-30 13:28:57 / Rating: 530 /
Wife
Funny how my husband had to wait months to be promoted to General Adjuster when his co-worker just had to run out of business cards.
2007-07-24 16:42:06 / Rating: 379.5 /
lily
While sitting on the pot at work, it occurred to me how much I enjoy playing under the door games with my cat when I'm doing the same thing at home.
2007-07-23 13:21:12 / Rating: 494 /
LeJourDapres
Finally, he decided that he didn't love me anymore, so I guess all I can do is to become a good hindi speaking exiled particle physicist.
2007-07-05 12:28:25 / Rating: 494.5 /
Sinking
As I prepare for work tomorrow I think, "Can I do this for another 20 years?"
2007-07-05 12:27:15 / Rating: 473.25 /
Sammi
At work, I learned that shake mix can be a wonderful plaything, and it's just as fun to watch someone shove it into their mouth.
2007-07-05 12:26:48 / Rating: 400.5 /
Dave Walls
I keep telling myself 'the phone is going to ring', but after two months, I can't seem to believe myself anymore when it comes to job interviews.
2007-07-05 12:25:50 / Rating: 522.25 /
H
I knew it was going to be a bad day when I was up for work at 6am on a Saturday, and my biscuit flopped into my tea mid-dunk.
2007-06-22 10:46:34 / Rating: 523 /
BC
I've been out of the office for 3 days and everyone thinks I'm swamped catching up on e-mails but, really, I'm just wasting time surfing the Internet until I go to lunch and then go home early.
2007-05-24 23:42:07 / Rating: 541.25 /
pinklu
Just one more day and the most boring of all work courses will be over.
2007-05-17 13:49:20 / Rating: 453.5 /
Sabres in 2007
We knew we did the right thing when we found the uncooked bacon strip under our recently axed employee's desk.
2007-05-09 16:40:14 / Rating: 470 /
Gigi
A twenty year career with twenty more to go is motivation to quit.
2007-04-27 16:32:47 / Rating: 489 /
R
My mouse finger twitched, wanting to mark every e-mail my boss sent me as "spam."
2007-04-23 11:23:10 / Rating: 505.5 /
just shut up
She doesn't know it, but the more she talks at work the more ugly she becomes.
2007-04-05 16:51:23 / Rating: 457.75 /
rock
I'm out of work and looking for a new job in a new city but secretly I love having nothing to do all day.
2007-03-28 17:04:09 / Rating: 382.75 /
Sunny-D
My boss is going out of town tomorrow and I think he knows I will skip out on work if given the chance.
2007-03-27 16:08:05 / Rating: 368 /
katy
Not even two months into my first job and the place is shutting down.
2007-03-27 11:47:07 / Rating: 418 /
erroneous
At work today, I learned how to make a chicken out of a cloth towel, though I don't think I can re-create it.
2007-03-16 13:37:57 / Rating: 454.75 /
Michal
The work week seems to be a repeating blip that echoes a nasty scratch on the record of life.
2007-02-12 12:32:42 / Rating: 764.75 /
Amarie
As I sat numbly answering the phone, i realized how unfair it is that something you have absolutely no control over can make you so miserable you don't enjoy anything anymore.
2007-01-19 09:30:10 / Rating: 446.75 /
Tina
At 9am I was turned down for a promotion and at 3pm found out that I failed the professional exam I was sure I had passed.
2006-12-15 22:05:48 / Rating: 410.5 /
Jared
After checking his email for the 437th time that day, he realized his love for his job was like most people's love for feces.
2006-12-12 14:36:57 / Rating: 459.25 /
KAOS
It's not always the best idea getting drunk with your colleagues, but it's interesting!
2006-12-10 13:16:00 / Rating: 464.5 /
Peabodie
After serving liquor to alcoholics all day, I realised that I am, in fact, a bad person.
2006-12-05 14:32:37 / Rating: 566 /
MIA Robin
Just as my boss began to speak at the company Christmas dinner, she simultaneously sneezed and farted, stopping every fork in midair.
2006-12-05 09:39:03 / Rating: 747 /
Reba
Listening to the posturing of brilliant people, I wished I could tell them I would rather be watching TV.
2006-10-19 00:25:02 / Rating: 409.25 /
call me dave
They were very polite people, posh offices and nice desks and we all knew there was no "second stage" for me.
2006-10-02 09:21:11 / Rating: 519.25 /
gatefan
I began to play and it was great until I realized it was actually work so I quit and got a job with insurance and a bigger cubicle.
2006-09-15 10:37:26 / Rating: 505.75 /
Finster
It was the fifth stationary object I'd accidentaly hit with the company car, I was glad that I didn't own my own vehicle and that living breathing things tended to move about.
2006-08-23 20:36:30 / Rating: 572.75 /
Finster
I realized the plan to sneak a second holiday in Spain was not going to work unless I only went out at night and returned to work after my "illness" without a tan.
2006-08-17 19:57:32 / Rating: 472.25 /
Dave Walls
I vowed today not to laugh at someone's funny name while working, then I was introduced to a older woman named "Gay Usher".
2006-07-17 17:50:32 / Rating: 649.75 /