Charlie
If that man hadn't decided to reply to his oh so pressing text message on the nearly empty stretch of highway, she wouldn't be in the hospital right now and she would be able to walk again.
If that man hadn't decided to reply to his oh so pressing text message on the nearly empty stretch of highway, she wouldn't be in the hospital right now and she would be able to walk again.
I broke the toilet seat cover on an airplane because I was trying to flush by pushing the handle down with my foot and my foot slipped, came down on the cover, shattering its hinges.
I was verbally and sexually abused, but my ex-boyfriend gave me the lasting issues.
I opened my door to discover a neo-Nazi arborist.
I was already halfway through the mustard-on-a-bun when I realized I forgot to put the hotdog on it.
While rushing to work, it was only in the split second after I closed my door that I realized my keys were in my other purse and my roommate was away for the weekend.
When it took me 40 minutes to get from Colorado to Iowa while zoomed in on Google Maps using the arrow keys, I realized biking there wouldn't be an option.
I dusted for the first time in seven years, and then realized that I hadn't been allergic to my cat.
I accidentally bought by boyfriend a hooker in Thailand when all I meant to purchase for him was a massage.
The broken car window was only made more annoying by the fact that they hadn't actually stolen anything.
When the doorbell rang at four o'clock in the morning, I knew the cop had seen my license plate.
Never could I have conceived that my own father would laugh at my kilt.
After hearing from my mother that my father had lung cancer, the only thing I knew to do was light up a cigarette.
I deleted my Facebook account when my past wall posts started ruining my current relationship.
The first time i rang directory enquiries and they said "Name," I gave them my own and was given my own telephone number
When the ER doctor told me that I had broken my hand, I knew that punching the wall had been a bad idea.
After 92 minutes on the phone, I finally brought myself to ask, "Is it plugged in?"
I wanted to tell her I loved her, but complimented her butt instead.
I wonder every day what it would be like to have achieved my childhood dreams, knowing it's impossible to grow up to be a kitten.