HA!
When I asked him what size his shirt was, and he turned it around so he could check, I realized just how smart he actually was.
2012-02-21 14:41:52 / Rating: 227.75 / 
Story archives - tag: "funny"
Different and proud
When my dad told me to "not knock up a girl in college, and do whatever you have to make sure it doesn't happen" he never envisioned me having a transgender girlfriend.
2011-11-11 11:27:55 / Rating: 311.75 /
K
Our papa turned around in the drivers seat to urgently wag his finger at us whilst saying, "Never cook bacon naked!"
2011-06-17 14:00:43 / Rating: 426.75 /
LadyJame
That's when I looked down and realized my fake nail had somehow caught fire, and no one was around to witness it but my fish.
2010-01-14 11:09:41 / Rating: 478.75 /
Steampunk Wench
It's nice to know that no matter where I go and how long I'm gone for, my mother will always arrange my dolls in random sexual positions as a 'welcome home' surprise.
2009-12-30 09:06:29 / Rating: 778.5 /
SunnyBun
After I spilled gasoline on my shoes while topping off my car's tank on the way to lunch, my daughter announced to the cashier at McDonald's, "If you smell gas, it's coming from my mom."
2009-07-10 11:14:59 / Rating: 607.25 /
SunnyBun
During a 6.2 earthquake that shook our building violently, my half-asleep husband sat up, looked at me in confusion and asked, "What are you doing?"
2009-07-06 09:27:49 / Rating: 815.25 /
Ellyn
My husband informed me that he isn't a kid anymore because he eats his snack packs with a spoon.
2009-06-19 16:28:05 / Rating: 466 /
Timmy D
My dog doesn't understand daylight savings.
2009-03-09 12:14:10 / Rating: 540 /
SammaGhoul
She kissed me in the parking lot of the Mormon church, and all the cars drove by slowly, honking their horns.
2008-12-31 12:43:34 / Rating: 612.75 /
twisted babysitter
After I convinced the kids I had gotten them duct tape and underwear for Christmas, they were quite appreciative of their real gifts.
2008-12-25 23:02:05 / Rating: 458.75 /
Dormouse
I reminded myself where the door out of the darkroom was with my face.
2008-11-06 14:14:24 / Rating: 399.5 /
AM Jordan
To the roar of applause, I turned, holding my violin proudly to the shouts of ENCORE, and promptly fell off the stage in a heap.
2008-09-02 15:06:52 / Rating: 421 /
Darklord263
I know "vomit-free since '08" isn't as cool as "vomit-free since '03," but I really didn't have a choice.
2008-08-27 16:18:00 / Rating: 425 /
Lauren
My car was stolen and when it was found 5 hours later the thief had replaced a spark plug and filled it with gas.
2008-08-14 20:33:18 / Rating: 937.5 /
Seriously?
The broken car window was only made more annoying by the fact that they hadn't actually stolen anything.
2008-05-13 11:57:45 / Rating: 543.25 /
whatever
I was told that the cat got an infected nipple from licking himself too much when no one is home.
2008-05-13 10:28:52 / Rating: 491.5 /
Marty B
My two-year-old was trying to say "I'm stuck," but I thought she said "I'm a duck" and spent the next five minutes playing along and making "quacking" sounds.
2007-08-23 18:07:36 / Rating: 1052.25 /
sweetie
I informed my husband that I wanted a divorce after he told me that he doesn't like marshmallows.
2007-08-14 16:58:54 / Rating: 544.5 /
SCC
After meticulously explaining the birds and the bees my little boy looked at his sister and asked me, "You had sex twice?"
2007-08-01 12:38:13 / Rating: 646 /
Jonathan Stanton
That's when I knew I was doomed.
2007-05-10 10:39:28 / Rating: 462 /
Alison
We were in bed one day and he told me that I was more fun than a game of Magic "sometimes."
2006-08-25 14:18:00 / Rating: 790 /
Dave Walls
I vowed today not to laugh at someone's funny name while working, then I was introduced to a older woman named "Gay Usher".
2006-07-17 17:50:32 / Rating: 650.75 /