ferdinandthebull
When I was 5 or so my mom would tell me to lie down before she tied my tie and I just now realized at the age of 19 that she did this because she's a funeral director.
2008-04-08 16:46:37 / Rating: 1987 / 
Story archives - Most Popular of All Time
See also: the most popular from the last 30 days.
What are the odds?
I knew God had a sense of humor when I hesitantly answered the ringing K-Mart payphone, only to hear my best friend, who had misdialed my home phone number, on the other end.
2008-06-10 10:39:09 / Rating: 1779.5 /
It was the perfect revenge, until I came home and the cops were already waiting for me.
2008-05-08 17:35:02 / Rating: 1770.5 /
saunya
I held my father's hand as he died in that hospital room and realized I'd never held his hand before that moment.
2006-09-10 00:30:06 / Rating: 1552.25 /
Alexandra
As you were breaking up with me, all I could think about were those mornings when you compared the Pop-Tarts and gave me the one with more frosting.
2007-10-25 14:10:35 / Rating: 1451 /
Mourning
Knowing that my miscarriage brought him relief is something I'm not sure I'll ever forget.
2007-06-22 10:48:05 / Rating: 1388.5 /
Rob
Visiting Virginia, I thought the grocery clerk was calling my newborn son precious when in fact she was telling me in her southern drawl to "press yes" on the keypad.
2007-08-06 17:02:46 / Rating: 1315.5 /
David Vanderbyl
Only a few blocks from home my 3-year-old brother opened the rear door of our family's Dodge Polara, and quick as a wink he was gone.
2006-09-02 19:10:06 / Rating: 1261.75 /
Angel
The worst thing about secret girlfriends is that when they get hit by cars you're not supposed to cry.
2006-11-05 14:09:01 / Rating: 1220 /
Chester
Arriving home after sitting in traffic for two hours, I said to myself, "Oh, wait, I don't live here anymore."
2006-09-14 20:18:39 / Rating: 1149 /
petalthrow
One night on ecstasy, I stopped a fight between two drag queens in the ladies restroom and then I made them give each other a hug.
2007-04-03 14:42:58 / Rating: 1074.25 /
Sheryl
When asked to name the one person absent from her life that she missed the most, she responded, "The person I hoped I'd be by this point in my life."
2006-08-28 14:17:20 / Rating: 1019.75 /
Edie
I conduct job interviews for a living and nothing gives me a better sense of wielding karma than giving the job to the nervous kid instead of the better qualified arrogant prick.
2007-06-07 09:31:08 / Rating: 995.75 /
Beth
Instead of him they sent back a folded flag, and when I was alone I tore it to pieces.
2008-02-13 13:08:48 / Rating: 988 /
Erik Wennstrom
It was one of those exams that you absolutely must pass if you want to continue in the program, and I failed the set-your-alarm-clock-properly portion.
2006-08-18 12:28:33 / Rating: 976.75 /
Finster
My friend Bob loved his vinyl records so much that he used to obsess about which ones to save if his house caught fire but when it actually happened he chose his girlfriend instead.
2006-09-02 19:10:40 / Rating: 974.5 /
Jesse
She's ruined half of my music library for me.
2007-06-07 12:42:38 / Rating: 965.5 /
Anonymous
I couldn't bear to tell the girl I loved that I was only dreaming and that she was merely a figment of my imagination, so I kissed her, and as the world lost its color, I slowly woke up.
2006-09-06 09:28:22 / Rating: 899.5 /
Ashamed
My atheist neighbor has helped more people in the past year than my entire congregation has in the past ten.
2008-03-25 10:51:34 / Rating: 895 /
Probably Not Okay
My online dating service matched me with my cousin.
2007-12-31 11:50:31 / Rating: 887.5 /
lines
Today you shaved your hair into a mohawk to make my mom laugh over losing hers to chemo and today I realized that you are my hero.
2008-06-06 17:06:53 / Rating: 883 /
Tom
From the moment her arms wrapped around my chest and her head found its place against my shoulder, I knew beyond a doubt that I would never think of five feet as too short ever again.
2008-07-18 01:31:48 / Rating: 862.25 /
Jabberwocky
I know 18 digits of pi and can recite the quadratic equation, but I still need to make an L with my hand to find out where left is.
2007-06-13 10:09:32 / Rating: 815 /
Kris
I married my husband on our first date, but it has taken me more than 5 years to decide what colour to paint our dining room.
2006-09-04 11:48:05 / Rating: 814 /
WarDamnEagle
There are two kinds of friends in the world: the ones who help you up when you've passed out in a bar and call a cab and the ones that take 'funny' pictures of you.
2007-11-05 13:20:56 / Rating: 812.75 /
you know who i am
My mother called me to do a chore and i responded, "What you need, Woman," to which my father chided, "Your mother is NOT a woman!"
2006-09-16 09:27:04 / Rating: 802.5 /
Carmen
I was only fourteen.
2006-09-27 09:50:22 / Rating: 787.25 /
Lost Theories
When I arrived at the memorial site, I couldn't think of anything witty or poignent to write, so I just carved 'I miss you' into the telephone pole that killed you and went home.
2007-11-12 22:51:31 / Rating: 782.75 /
migrant picker
I once truly fell in love with an unseen friend-- who refused to meet me in real life, who became the object of my every desire, my muse, the reason I walked this planet-- with every cell of my heart.
2006-09-09 13:58:29 / Rating: 781.5 /
Lewis from North Carolina, USA
President Bush killed my father, a soldier whose burned remains are now a part of the Iraqi desert landscape, and I, longing to fit in by supporting something I did not understand, was stupid enough to vote for him the previous year.
2006-09-11 23:06:50 / Rating: 741.5 /
SJ
I told my husband I wanted a new, simple wedding band because the 1.3c diamond I wear is not a symbol of our love but of my greed.
2008-02-13 13:09:31 / Rating: 741.5 /
without an anchor
Every one of my many heartbreaks could have been avoided had you not waited until I was 32 to tell me you loved me.
2007-11-20 15:09:53 / Rating: 734.25 /
R.Riley
Seeing a 40 year old crack whore wearing a shirt saying "You can't afford me" and knowing she's probably right made me realize I'd hit rock bottom.
2007-12-31 11:57:16 / Rating: 713.75 /
dooya
Recently I realized that I waste my life on the internet ... and published this insight in a blog.
2006-09-14 10:14:49 / Rating: 661 /
Jared Seth
A stunning woman in a sexy little sundress got on the subway, and for just a moment I forgot to breathe.
2006-09-15 16:18:51 / Rating: 658.5 /
would you put a name on this?
It wasn't until the eulogy ended that I realized I had been thinking about porn instead of listening.
2007-05-24 23:43:50 / Rating: 654.5 /
Shane
I was nearly sent to the hospital because I could not convince the school nurse that my head had always been this shape.
2006-08-18 12:27:29 / Rating: 653.75 /
Jess
His efforts were so valiant, I didn't have the heart to tell him it was front clasp.
2008-06-06 17:12:36 / Rating: 649.75 /
JuliePatchouli
He longed for me for four years in high school and then forgot; I avoided him for four years in high school and then obsessed for ten about what could have been.
2006-09-09 10:17:16 / Rating: 634.25 /
Skye
"For you? Really?" the man in the pharmacy said, surprised, when I asked him to pass me a pregnancy test.
2006-09-23 12:01:40 / Rating: 633.5 /
Adam
The pedestrian looked concerned, as he bounced off the bonnet of my car.
2006-09-14 08:55:29 / Rating: 623 /
cha
It's been so long that I don't even look down your street anymore.
2007-05-31 14:54:55 / Rating: 610.5 /
Rusty
I took a neuropsychiatric test and realized that I don't have a mental illness after all: I have five.
2006-09-15 10:44:28 / Rating: 599.25 /
annabella
I worry he's just waiting for the last Harry Potter book to come out before he kills himself.
2007-06-14 15:50:00 / Rating: 598.5 /
Meatbomb
It wasn't the sex that proved she loved me, it was the first time she slept with me without having sex that I knew she would be the one.
2006-09-11 23:20:03 / Rating: 596.25 /
Lia
He thought he was invincible.
2006-10-30 00:21:08 / Rating: 594.75 /
Johnny Luddite
As the porter wheeling my gurney down to the operating room took a corner too tightly, crashing my arm into the wall, I reflected that my last utterance on this earth might well be a profanity.
2006-09-14 07:13:46 / Rating: 591 /
nuccleargirl
Hitting the turkey buzzard on the way to our wedding was the first indication we would never last.
2007-06-18 23:55:35 / Rating: 589.5 /
DarkSoul Sister
When I opened the door there was a policeman holding my mother's driver's license and throwing uncomfortable glances to the chaplin beside him.
2006-10-03 10:50:25 / Rating: 586.5 /
dragonsquirrel92
"I was waiting for you," she said, and for an instant I wasn't alone.
2006-09-14 22:23:22 / Rating: 585.25 /