stranded
While rushing to work, it was only in the split second after I closed my door that I realized my keys were in my other purse and my roommate was away for the weekend.
2009-09-30 21:49:47 / Rating: 92.5 / 
Story archives - September 2009
Gabriel
When class was canceled we talked for the first time.
2009-09-30 21:49:24 / Rating: 145 /
Dianne
Two weeks into my convalescence I realized that the animals I watched daily in the back yard -- birds, squirrels, bunnies -- led a secret life that included not only a daily search for food, but also expressions of love, caring, and mischief.
2009-09-24 15:34:55 / Rating: 180.5 /
Mmmhhm
After I circled B for the tenth time, I had to wonder if I was getting all the answers wrong or if my teacher had a sick sense of humor.
2009-09-24 15:33:22 / Rating: 546.25 /
Chels
My police boyfriend once called me on the phone and squealed happily, "Man, I LOVE catching bad guys!"
2009-09-24 15:31:38 / Rating: 257 /
Sorry, dad.
After my mother judged me for what she discovered in my anonymous blog, for the first time in my life I understood why my father had left her and I forgave him.
2009-09-22 14:24:29 / Rating: 261.75 /
parker
He has a playlist inspired by him titled "Scum."
2009-09-22 13:09:47 / Rating: 109.75 /
Backseat, windows up...
It wasn't until I looked on the floor in the backseat of my car that I realized my lacy black thong was still on the floor from two nights ago.
2009-09-22 13:09:21 / Rating: 116.75 /
regretter
You're just the skinny-jeans-guy in my Sci Fi class I idolized last summer and I'm just the too-loud girl you've forgotten, but I still hold my pencils the way you do.
2009-09-21 11:56:16 / Rating: 342.25 /
Such a Rebel
I took advantage of the fact that it was three in the morning to perpetrate the ultimate indiscretion: showering in the unisex.
2009-09-21 11:55:12 / Rating: 85.25 /
cg
On my very first camping trip, I learned that if I drop a dead caterpillar in my mom's coffee, she will not only not get mad at me, but she will also still drink the coffee.
2009-09-21 11:54:58 / Rating: 176.5 /
Not Meant For Apartment Living
My neighbor just casually returned two pairs of panties that I'd left in the shared washing machine.
2009-09-21 10:02:58 / Rating: 105.25 /
Bored of Boredom
I didn't understand what was so funny until I realized a Bachelors of Journalism from Fontbonne University is a "BJ from FU".
2009-09-21 10:02:27 / Rating: 260 /
Slim
Receiving a die stolen off of a Bulgarian backgammon board as a birthday present didn't do a lot to alleviate the jealousy I felt for not being able to go to Europe with them.
2009-09-21 10:01:28 / Rating: 107.75 /
BB23
Because of my dog, we've had to put stickers at the bottom of the glass door so she doesn't keep walking into it.
2009-09-21 10:00:52 / Rating: 152.25 /
That Mom
Yesterday my 6-year-old daughter informed me that she would like a turtle named 'Herpes' for her Birthday.
2009-09-18 15:18:57 / Rating: 306.25 /
Mia Moore
I was trying to be funny by pointing out to my boyfriend that his girlfriend is such a dork, but it came out better than expected when I told him "Your dork is such a girlfriend."
2009-09-18 15:17:45 / Rating: 180.75 /
Not Bob Vila
The screwdriver shaped hole in my arm is a prime example of my experience with home renovations.
2009-09-18 15:17:17 / Rating: 127 /
tiredalarmclock
As the vet inserted the needle, I noticed that my kitty was still purring.
2009-09-18 15:16:21 / Rating: 259 /
cg
As I tried to tag a sentence I submitted, my computer suggested the tags "sex, poison ivy, humor, feet" and I can't remember ever submitting a sentence that would include those four things.
2009-09-18 15:14:56 / Rating: 146 /
Close Call
My boyfriend confused the words "fornicate" and "elope."
2009-09-17 14:38:45 / Rating: 161 /
Dog Sets it Off
My dog set the security alarm off, and as a result, 32 policemen with 8 police cars rushed to my house.
2009-09-17 14:38:03 / Rating: 109.25 /
Sam
I find it ironic that while I'm here procrastinating the One Sentence pointer finger is pointing to the link for the website that my homework is on.
2009-09-17 14:37:01 / Rating: 152.5 /
MaryMM
Thirty minutes at 400 degrees was way too long for potato chips.
2009-09-17 14:36:47 / Rating: 109.25 /
The wandering homeless
The day I dropped out of high school, botched my entrance into Harvard, and set out on my journey across the country on foot was the day I realized I would come back for you, and only you.
2009-09-17 14:36:15 / Rating: 280 /
Snakey
My rider friend assures me that 'Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear' is about the LAST thing you want to see when the mirror's on your motorcycle and the object is an irritable grizzly bear.
2009-09-17 14:34:46 / Rating: 179 /
House of Cards
While I was overseas fighting a war to make others' lives better, you were at home destroying mine.
2009-09-17 14:33:37 / Rating: 244.25 /
Kendra
I was the conscientious one and always left my keys with the security guard when I left the building, so my co-workers should have known that I was still somewhere inside the museum when everyone else was evacuated during the bomb threat.
2009-09-17 14:32:20 / Rating: 74.25 /
Oops...
Attempting to flush my botched mashed potatoes down the toilet was only the first of many mistakes that night.
2009-09-14 11:22:42 / Rating: 160.5 /
Atleast we made some new friends
We realized as we went up to pay our respects, that though they shared the same name and everyone was very friendly, we were obviously at the wrong funeral.
2009-09-14 11:17:24 / Rating: 571.25 /
Fired by God
Today I was fired from Barnes and Noble because a customer complained that I had stocked Christian Bibles in the fiction section.
2009-09-14 11:14:14 / Rating: 446.25 /
Hellen
Thanks to the Discovery Channel I went to Norway and married a Norwegian farmer.
2009-09-14 11:09:08 / Rating: 187.25 /
Canadienne
The day my father got deported was the day I attended my first anti-Bush rally.
2009-09-14 10:54:29 / Rating: 137.25 /
traveller
After they detained me and took my passport at the airport for being too young, the Arab security guard noticed me sobbing and brought me cookies from his own lunch.
2009-09-10 13:35:35 / Rating: 527.75 /
Sister
I didn't think I was doing anything wrong until you walked in the room and I instinctively jumped away from him.
2009-09-10 13:33:21 / Rating: 136.5 /
12Letters
Coincidentally I met the next man I would love on the same night the last man I loved cheated on me.
2009-09-08 13:41:50 / Rating: 161.25 /
Gladys
It's going to be hard telling my ex-mother-in-law that she is now going to be my sister-in-law.
2009-09-08 11:28:56 / Rating: 151.25 /
Joanne's sister
It took several visits to the cemetery before I realized that when my father started digging around my sister's headstone, he was going to put stones under it to keep it from sinking and wasn't going to dig her up.
2009-09-08 11:27:52 / Rating: 148 /
Café Chick
When asked how he could be certain the speaker had blown, Dad dramatically explained (with grandiose arm gestures) that, "I plugged it in and all I heard was nothing".
2009-09-08 11:27:08 / Rating: 124.5 /
Dinosaur Spotter
Today at work a "superior" asked me for a video file in an mp3 format.
2009-09-08 11:21:46 / Rating: 123.75 /
Dumped
A week after he broke my heart and said he was gay, he drove 10 hours to visit his new girlfriend.
2009-09-08 11:17:36 / Rating: 120.5 /
Caroline
A wave of guilt came over me as I watched the moth struggle in the spiderweb after it had be derailed from its path by the smoke I exhaled.
2009-09-02 08:40:14 / Rating: 210.25 /
EGT
I wish that Alzheimer's had something to do to with why my father won't walk me down the aisle.
2009-09-02 08:39:05 / Rating: 152.75 /
history geek
After being assigned Denver for our American cities project, she looked at me in confusion and earnestly said, "Isn't Denmark an animal?"
2009-09-02 08:38:26 / Rating: 157.25 /
gross
My sister caught me eating the callus I'd peeled off the bottom of my foot, and that was the end of that habit.
2009-09-02 08:38:12 / Rating: 153.5 /
Michelle
My sister's comment that her new computer had a 1GB harddrive confirmed my suspicions that she didn't know enough about computers to make such a purchase.
2009-09-02 07:36:50 / Rating: 148 /
sensei
I am dreading going to school tomorrow, which will make things difficult, since I am the teacher.
2009-09-02 07:36:02 / Rating: 277 /