Sabrina
I was a teenager browsing in the public library when a homeless man told me I was the Messiah he had seen every night in his dreams.
2008-11-25 16:35:20 / Rating: 430 / 
Story archives - November 2008
another chance
I let him buy me cigarettes and beer, but never a ring.
2008-11-25 16:32:17 / Rating: 265 /
Eddie
My mom always joked that I could get a tattoo if it said, "I love Mom," so I made her hold my hand when I got it.
2008-11-21 16:07:54 / Rating: 492.25 /
Web 2.0
"So why do they call it MiceFace?" he asked.
2008-11-21 16:06:41 / Rating: 234.25 /
lmnop
No one ever told me that college life would include having a stranger pee on my dorm room floor.
2008-11-21 15:52:37 / Rating: 283 /
Awkward
When I turned in my family tree in the 3rd grade, I realized that having to explain the fact that my parents were cousins would be much harder than I had previously thought.
2008-11-21 15:52:16 / Rating: 438 /
Rico
My bestfriend really wanted a bob cut but her mother wouldn't let her chop off her long locks, so I decided to help her out by sticking gum on her hair.
2008-11-21 15:50:49 / Rating: 355 /
Red
Apparently it's dangerous to drive and cry at the same time.
2008-11-21 15:50:10 / Rating: 331.75 /
Kenna Coconut
The day my 8-year-old sister said that she wanted to be just like me when she grew up was the day I decided to stop smoking weed and not lose my virginity at age 16 to a lousy boyfriend.
2008-11-21 13:58:34 / Rating: 832.5 /
Murphy's Lawyer
My Chinese grandfather was upset that my father was marrying a white woman, but he was more upset that their first car was Japanese.
2008-11-19 13:58:00 / Rating: 430.5 /
Sim
One of the joys of sleepwalking is spending my morning speculating what happened last night to cause me to wake up holding a teaspoon.
2008-11-19 13:57:01 / Rating: 444.75 /
IV
I never knew how much he loved me until he showed me the pictures of us he kept in his Army helmet for 4 years.
2008-11-19 13:56:30 / Rating: 536 /
Maus
The hardest part was explaining why my black eye just so happened to look like a chicken's foot.
2008-11-19 13:51:19 / Rating: 317.75 /
Phil
"And of course you've made recent backups", he said sarcastically.
2008-11-19 13:48:45 / Rating: 173.75 /
Gemma
During a romantic dinner away from the kids, I looked down at my hand and saw that there was poop on my diamond.
2008-11-19 13:47:55 / Rating: 290.75 /
Toe Jammed
I drunk dialed a wrong number and had one of the most enjoyable conversations I have ever had.
2008-11-18 13:53:28 / Rating: 518.5 /
Distracted
I looked to my left and thought "The way he's driving, he's gonna run into someone," right as I smashed into the car in front of me.
2008-11-18 13:52:10 / Rating: 543.25 /
great sister
After I tricked my little brother into eating a Jalapeno pepper for the first time, I told him eating another one would cancel out the spiciness of the first.
2008-11-18 13:51:48 / Rating: 751.5 /
Anselmus
I met an anaesthesiologist last year who confessed after several drinks that she sometimes pops the pimples of her patients while they are asleep so that they will look better when they wake up.
2008-11-18 13:51:41 / Rating: 667.75 /
mj.
There really is no easy way to explain why there was an electric toothbrush stuck in my hair last night.
2008-11-18 13:21:14 / Rating: 240 /
i love jools
When I bared my soul and told my husband that I wanted to be calmed by the sound of running water while I sleep, he told me to get my pillow and lay down next to the toilet.
2008-11-18 13:15:57 / Rating: 303.75 /
MarissaCondit
The day my Mother accidentally left my little brother at the dog pound gave me the only self-esteem boost I would ever need.
2008-11-18 13:14:45 / Rating: 397.5 /
Emma
I'll listen to you and sympathize about missing your husband, but don't complain to me about a long time.
2008-11-18 13:14:31 / Rating: 154 /
Rae
It wasn't until I sat down at the table that I realized I had drizzled maple syrup over my kung pao tofu instead of soy sauce.
2008-11-14 15:22:40 / Rating: 239.5 /
Ouch
I was bleeding and in pain, but I had to laugh when the ER nurse asked the guy in the next room, "You swallowed HOW MANY toothbrushes?"
2008-11-14 15:21:37 / Rating: 973.75 /
Lyddie
He'll never know how moving it was for me to watch him write "love" on his arms because I'll never tell him how many years I've spent carving hate into mine.
2008-11-14 15:19:24 / Rating: 565 /
Vraiment?
My jaw dropped as my host mom politely, in French, informed my best friend that she has a small brain.
2008-11-14 15:18:57 / Rating: 201.5 /
Changes
My liberal views about marijuana use disappeared surprisingly quickly upon finding a baggie full of it in my 15-year-old son's desk drawer.
2008-11-13 22:14:12 / Rating: 388.75 /
aaron b
The girl I've been dating for 5 weeks just told me that she's 9 weeks pregnant.
2008-11-13 22:13:51 / Rating: 327.5 /
For the Smell of Old Books
When the man in the library saw me watching him smell the old dictionary, he pretended to look up a word (but I could tell he was still smelling).
2008-11-13 22:12:50 / Rating: 451.5 /
brandy
No one believes me when I tell them I've actually slipped on a banana peel.
2008-11-13 13:10:04 / Rating: 228.5 /
snap
It's funny how quickly your plans change from "changing the world and chasing your dreams" to "getting really fucking drunk."
2008-11-13 13:09:35 / Rating: 1049.75 /
Military Wife
As I walked away from the airport alone with my head held high, shoulders back, and eyes red from crying, I finally knew what it meant to be a military wife.
2008-11-13 13:07:01 / Rating: 386.25 /
Dreaming
Dreaming of one person for hours straight can, and will, lead to delusions.
2008-11-12 15:03:43 / Rating: 368 /
...!?
Boogers on your space key don't exactly impress your friends.
2008-11-12 14:59:30 / Rating: 138.25 /
Pax
Halfway through the song, my host sister told me that my dance partner was the Mongolian Olympic silver medalist in boxing.
2008-11-12 10:03:38 / Rating: 194 /
lamont
It took him 30 practice swings just to flop horribly on his one actual swing.
2008-11-12 10:00:01 / Rating: 141.75 /
Dusty
I got married at 16 because I was pregnant, at 21 because I was rebounding, at 29 because I was in love, and at 45 because I was an idiot, but this time, at 56, I'm marrying for money.
2008-11-12 09:58:53 / Rating: 881 /
Magick
It was two in the morning and I had the number for the suicide hotline in my hands before I decided that they no doubt had better things to do.
2008-11-12 09:57:51 / Rating: 534.25 /
Faith
"So you see," I declared to my flustered sister, "I looked at the thongs and thought to myself, what would Jesus do?"
2008-11-10 14:03:42 / Rating: 164.75 /
snakey
I now have the best icebreaker story I've ever had for parties, because this summer, after I helped out for a couple of days, the circus tried to run away with ME.
2008-11-10 13:40:07 / Rating: 199.25 /
Oh, brother.
My mom paused while vacuuming to tell me she's afraid my brother will kill himself, which I've known for the past seven years.
2008-11-09 16:41:27 / Rating: 251.75 /
MC
I realized I might have drinking problem one night in my car, which was upside down and on fire.
2008-11-09 16:41:04 / Rating: 609.75 /
Finally
Obama.
2008-11-06 14:22:49 / Rating: 649.75 /
crabapple
I'm selling my old mattress to a guy I had a one-night stand with.
2008-11-06 14:19:41 / Rating: 499 /
Sunshine
I added 'Obama' to my dictionary in Microsoft Word and in Mozilla Firefox.
2008-11-06 14:18:17 / Rating: 402.25 /
Liz
I lost most of my friends, the respect of my parents, and the desire to kill myself when I finally told everyone the truth about what I believe.
2008-11-06 14:17:27 / Rating: 509.25 /
PCD
When I was finally able to relax after pushing for 30 mins, he said "Good news, you didn't poop!"
2008-11-06 14:16:01 / Rating: 337.5 /
Dormouse
I reminded myself where the door out of the darkroom was with my face.
2008-11-06 14:14:24 / Rating: 235.75 /
Don Duggan-Haas
When the one-armed Amishman sitting next to me started talking about condoms, I knew it was going to be an interesting train ride.
2008-11-06 14:13:42 / Rating: 480.5 /
amused
The four middle aged ladies I shared a joint with in that state park campground in New Mexico made up an elaborate story about my cross-country road trip that wasn't anywhere near as interesting as the truth.
2008-11-06 14:13:00 / Rating: 175.25 /
Ryan
I slammed on the brakes, narrowly avoiding the squirrel, glad I wouldn't have to face the irony of killing him while driving to an animal sanctuary.
2008-11-03 17:40:19 / Rating: 220.25 /
Emerentiana
Since he died, I haven't been able to enjoy hugs at all.
2008-11-03 17:35:33 / Rating: 299.5 /
Hex G
I was bitter that it was my favourite cup that broke when he threw it at my mum.
2008-11-03 17:35:24 / Rating: 194 /