DTubin
A hooker stole my cell phone, called my wife, and now I'm in trouble.
2008-05-30 10:11:06 / Rating: 447 / 
Story archives - May 2008
ashamed
Having no guilt over terminating a pregnancy is making me feel guilty.
2008-05-30 10:10:37 / Rating: 329.5 /
Oh the irony
Reading through the unapproved sentences yesterday, I was impressed with the emotional intensity and similarity I had with one of them, until I realized it was one of my own.
2008-05-30 10:09:50 / Rating: 380.75 /
Missing
I had never seen my father cry until he found my pet bunny Coco dead in my backyard.
2008-05-30 10:08:31 / Rating: 302.5 /
Dfong
As the vomit crawled up my throat I suddenly realized I was holding the barf bag upside down.
2008-05-30 10:06:48 / Rating: 307.25 /
Old Scars
Every time I have an appointment as a 25-year-old woman I still resort back to the 7-year-old I was when I was molested by my doctor.
2008-05-30 10:06:11 / Rating: 252 /
Whew!
I was ecstatic to see my husband NOT pour himself a drink when he got home from work.
2008-05-30 10:04:59 / Rating: 244 /
lawrence berezin
I did not say goodbye to my Dad as he left for work the last time.
2008-05-30 10:03:56 / Rating: 314.5 /
Ryan
The orange sat in my bag for another day because I continued refusing to admit that oranges are just too messy to eat at work.
2008-05-28 16:08:49 / Rating: 214.75 /
Garry
Just after he hit the road with his face, he thought, "Now I have an excuse for missing class."
2008-05-28 15:58:34 / Rating: 233 /
A
I really took it to heart when my bi-sexual friend called me pretty, since she was the first person to mean it.
2008-05-28 15:58:05 / Rating: 271.5 /
Less one friend
I hadn't seen her in twelve years, but my heart still broke when I saw her picture on CNN with "Missing" underneath it.
2008-05-28 15:57:35 / Rating: 359.25 /
James Danger
If my exasperated mother hadn't set me straight, I'd probably still think that cold turkey helped people quit smoking.
2008-05-28 15:57:15 / Rating: 368.5 /
Maggie
I used to want to be a writer when I grew up, until I learned the word "poverty."
2008-05-28 15:56:22 / Rating: 285.75 /
OregonGirl75
I braced myself, stoic and still as stone, as they wheeled your body into the room, and I didn't break down until I realized your long hair was still wet from the last shower you took.
2008-05-28 15:54:48 / Rating: 618.25 /
Gege
It's been seven years since she was adopted and I just now realized that my little sister has never called me by my given name, only the Chinese word for "older brother."
2008-05-28 15:54:30 / Rating: 337.75 /
#11
I wasn't the valedictorian, but the speech I gave to the class was so much better than hers.
2008-05-28 15:52:53 / Rating: 261.75 /
Doc
The number of teenagers that look around to make sure nobody is watching before answering "Nno, I'm not sexually active" is astounding.
2008-05-27 17:45:10 / Rating: 326.25 /
in tokyo
I tried to tell the policeman on the phone that I could hear my neighbour's daughter screaming as her mother beat her, but all he did was tell me to work on my Japanese and hang up.
2008-05-27 17:43:54 / Rating: 319.75 /
Tomatoes
I crashed my friend's car on a sandwich run and to top it off, I brought him back the wrong sandwich.
2008-05-27 10:11:19 / Rating: 455.5 /
Cunegonde
When my neighbors' 4-year-old son died unexpectedly in his sleep, I wasn't suicidal anymore.
2008-05-27 10:10:00 / Rating: 399.75 /
Dan
Exclaiming "Is there any chance that nobody saw that?" is a fantastic way to break the tension when you drop a glass in the crowded coffee shop where you work.
2008-05-27 10:09:22 / Rating: 260.25 /
Chstr
Up until I saw the man's legs sticking out from under the truck's trailer I had thought the woman's shrieking had been unmerited.
2008-05-27 10:08:34 / Rating: 266.25 /
Probably Not Okay
The ticket stub to the movie we had not attended kept me from going to jail that night.
2008-05-23 11:17:22 / Rating: 359.5 /
Cupcake
She realized her sleeping habits were going to change when the crack heads at the clinic next door smoked their cigarettes and chattered loudly at 5:45 AM for the 4th day in a row.
2008-05-23 11:16:53 / Rating: 227.75 /
Fabulous
I forgot to put on deodorant today and I'm worried that everyone at work knows that.
2008-05-23 11:16:32 / Rating: 143.25 /
Flattered
I don't know much Spanish, but I was totally flattered when the roofer pointed at me and told his coworker "Chi-chis grande!"
2008-05-23 11:14:51 / Rating: 151 /
Loup
If I have ever been introduced to you, I have pictured you naked.
2008-05-23 11:13:50 / Rating: 438.25 /
That Mom
Would it be wrong to make my husband wear a bib?
2008-05-23 11:12:25 / Rating: 198.5 /
COD
I'm too old to read until 2 AM and still expect to be productive the next day.
2008-05-22 12:33:29 / Rating: 305.25 /
Ryan
We noticed we were wearing the same shirt during freshman English and 11 years later, he was the best man in my wedding.
2008-05-22 12:33:12 / Rating: 439.5 /
1234
I thought that I was a tolerant Catholic, but it turns out I was really agnostic the whole time.
2008-05-22 12:32:12 / Rating: 455.25 /
1234
Putting the tip of the Sharpie to the bathroom wall and pledging my commitment to freeing Tibet might have been the most rebellious moment of my life thus far.
2008-05-22 12:31:15 / Rating: 344.25 /
I've Tasted Flight
Even though it was lodged somewhere in the bowels of the toilet, we could still hear it chirping.
2008-05-21 15:35:22 / Rating: 290.25 /
C
I faked a few smiles and held back my tears as I sat at a table, dateless, at my senior prom.
2008-05-21 15:35:10 / Rating: 261.25 /
Stephanie
Until I heard the words "Yes, her name is Lane," I didn't know his infidelity would hurt me so much.
2008-05-21 09:36:33 / Rating: 291.75 /
callmejackieo
We were going to stay up all night recording experimental music on his computer like John and Yoko, but then his mom came in and told us it was time for him to go to bed.
2008-05-21 09:36:07 / Rating: 293 /
Even after losing a hundred pounds, you told me my c-section scar makes me look fat.
2008-05-21 09:35:07 / Rating: 340.5 /
PHDrillSergeant
There is no odder combination of items at the grocery store than a jar of Vaseline and a single cucumber.
2008-05-21 09:34:51 / Rating: 363 /
The Grandson
The first and only time I met Bob he gave me a silver dollar as a graduation present.
2008-05-21 09:34:03 / Rating: 167 /
Patricia
I've changed cell phones so many times that I don't even mourn the loss of my numbers anymore.
2008-05-21 09:33:44 / Rating: 201.5 /
Cam
My neighbor just found out that I get dressed with the blinds open.
2008-05-21 09:33:33 / Rating: 259.25 /
Wannabe
He lied about being being sodomized and having testicular cancer.
2008-05-20 15:13:45 / Rating: 186.5 /
She
I was fine until dad started crying before me.
2008-05-20 15:11:17 / Rating: 276.25 /
Robin
Clearing out your mother's house while she is still alive is emotionally draining and feels wrong.
2008-05-20 13:54:37 / Rating: 221.75 /
disgusted
Her mother knew.
2008-05-20 13:52:08 / Rating: 284.25 /
Passionfish
They drilled a hole in my head took out four little pieces of my brain, and one week later told me, "You have multiple sclerosis."
2008-05-20 10:25:56 / Rating: 197.5 /
Elizabeth The Great
When I was four, I ran my dads car into a brick wall in a supermarket parking lot.
2008-05-20 10:25:10 / Rating: 254.75 /
The Only One
The day after prom of this year, I found out that I was the only person out of all my friends that was still a virgin.
2008-05-20 10:23:44 / Rating: 281 /
Clarissa
He sent her a dozen roses on Valentine's Day after five years of silence as if it would erase all the bruises he made on her now fourteen-year-old daughter.
2008-05-20 10:23:01 / Rating: 231.5 /
Sarah with an H
As I pass the full parking lot at the funeral home on my daily commute, I am reminded that no matter how stressful I think my day has been, at least I am not on my way to a funeral.
2008-05-20 10:22:01 / Rating: 284 /
Fat Girl
I have to choose between anti-depressants and weight loss, when half the reason I'm depressed is because I'm fat.
2008-05-15 11:46:25 / Rating: 403 /
Laura
Yesterday I walked naked into my bathroom, looked up through the skylight, and discovered that there was a construction worker on my roof.
2008-05-15 11:42:01 / Rating: 404.25 /
holly
I even bet you're reading this now.
2008-05-15 11:40:34 / Rating: 238.5 /
Dan Beeston
One day I'll be angry when she squeezes my toothpaste from the wrong end, but four years in, it's still endearing.
2008-05-14 14:04:46 / Rating: 323.25 /
ehall
Today I had the most fun I have had with mother since I was a little girl, masking the fact that her mother died this morning.
2008-05-14 14:04:24 / Rating: 126 /
Melody
Compassion is not something you see when driving the roads of the big city, so it was nice to witness a nicely-clad man getting out of his comfy SUV to help another man whose truck had spilled its contents onto the road behind him.
2008-05-14 14:04:03 / Rating: 261.5 /
Regret Was Part Of Your Name
He molested my big sister and then 20 years later, he married my mom.
2008-05-14 13:57:53 / Rating: 306.75 /
Mary
We thought my dog had a tick and tried "smoking it out" with a hot match only to discover it was her nipple.
2008-05-14 13:56:41 / Rating: 447 /
minormom
Last night I realized that I have to quit being me in order not to ruin my daughter's life.
2008-05-14 13:20:13 / Rating: 241.75 /
Rudy
Yesterday my five year old told me that he found out at school that Heaven is full of dead people.
2008-05-13 12:03:10 / Rating: 413.75 /
L.L.
Though he thinks he's got me over a barrel because my religion won't allow me to divorce him, he's going to be very shocked when the papers get there next week.
2008-05-13 12:00:59 / Rating: 416.75 /
myfairmaybe
She often cries while watching him sleep, hands clasped on his chest, reminding her again of his sister's tiny corpse.
2008-05-13 12:00:09 / Rating: 265.25 /
Why did you have to name it "New Folder"?
2008-05-13 11:59:56 / Rating: 345.5 /
naval.lint
In the last 48 hours i've seen the sun set on Qatar, the moon rise over Iraq, the sun rise over Iran, and set once more in Bahrain.
2008-05-13 11:58:34 / Rating: 208.25 /
Seriously?
The broken car window was only made more annoying by the fact that they hadn't actually stolen anything.
2008-05-13 11:57:45 / Rating: 320.25 /
whatever
I was told that the cat got an infected nipple from licking himself too much when no one is home.
2008-05-13 10:28:52 / Rating: 322.25 /
Barb
On Mother's Day, I remember when my mother told me that if she had known about abortion in 1946 I wouldn't be here.
2008-05-13 10:27:34 / Rating: 383.25 /
Ana
You stay up doing origami until 1am without realizing I was staring at your back, just waiting for you to lie down beside me.
2008-05-13 10:26:43 / Rating: 314.5 /
Raven
I'm still waiting to lend you this CD which I've been carrying in my bag for three weeks.
2008-05-12 15:38:42 / Rating: 226.75 /
cpumaster
I blew out my knee making love to my fiance a week before I had to go to the recruiters office.
2008-05-08 17:37:40 / Rating: 378.5 /
tired of waiting
I stay up late reading One Sentence to put off waking up without her.
2008-05-08 17:37:24 / Rating: 420 /
kaesrel
No matter how many times I closed my eyes and wished, the two bright pink lines refused to merge into one.
2008-05-08 17:36:11 / Rating: 296 /
Perplexious
My uncle laughed uncontrollably at my flustered mother as she explained my mentally retarded brother's behavior of waving at cars while walking nude through the neighborhood, but the jokes ended the next day when it was my uncle who found a pile of my brother's clothes on the front porch.
2008-05-08 17:35:25 / Rating: 247.25 /
It was the perfect revenge, until I came home and the cops were already waiting for me.
2008-05-08 17:35:02 / Rating: 2504 /
Too Tall
It's hard lying to the parents who raised you to be an honest man, even for the sake of your little sister.
2008-05-08 17:31:50 / Rating: 241.5 /
lucassio
Yesterday I drank the result of not washing the dishes: coffee with clipped nails and chewing gum.
2008-05-07 13:58:58 / Rating: 264.5 /
London
Losing my virginity to a regrettable British accent wasn't on the syllabus.
2008-05-07 13:58:16 / Rating: 155.5 /
LNO
I thought the worst gift ever given was a cheese grater given to my mom by my dad for Christmas, but he recently topped it with a flashlight, key chain and hand warmers for her birthday.
2008-05-07 13:53:50 / Rating: 214.5 /
Mike Drucker
Because he slept on the top bunk, my brother always called me "the monster under the bed."
2008-05-07 13:51:39 / Rating: 400.75 /
A
After crushing the tiny spider with a roll of painters tape I felt a sudden pang of guilt knowing that I had ended a life for no reason other than my own silly phobia.
2008-05-07 13:48:56 / Rating: 341.25 /
just a guy
The ring I bought her didn't fit, which is probably for the best because she was going to dump me anyway.
2008-05-07 13:48:50 / Rating: 200.25 /
chieromancer
After my boss told me "I can treat you any way I want to because I pay you," I asked him, "Did they teach you that in MBA school or in church?"
2008-05-07 12:20:58 / Rating: 326.25 /
F.R.
After narrowly preventing a smouldering towel from burning our house down, the thing that affected me most was realising that we really own far too many useless, wasteful objects, and if they had all been lost, I would truly miss very few of them.
2008-05-07 11:17:12 / Rating: 253 /
Blackfeather
When the doorbell rang at four o'clock in the morning, I knew the cop had seen my license plate.
2008-05-07 11:16:24 / Rating: 318 /
CodeMonkey
Last night I dreamt about high school and the loneliness haunted me throughtout the day.
2008-05-06 14:51:57 / Rating: 257.75 /
Falling.
He wrote eight drafts of "will you go to prom with me?" and I couldn't help but say yes.
2008-05-06 14:51:24 / Rating: 314.5 /
Angie
After I told her about the online game I was playing, my mom sent me an email saying, "Sorry you missed your raid."
2008-05-05 10:12:55 / Rating: 314.25 /
RedfraggleBlue
Tomorrow I'll celebrate my mother's anniversary while my long lost uncle, her brother, gets deployed to Afghanistan.
2008-05-05 10:12:38 / Rating: 223.25 /
Lola
Even though it's too late to ask the question: is it okay to eat onion rings out of the trash, as long as they are on top?
2008-05-05 10:11:51 / Rating: 216.75 /
mbirdie
I think the imaginary friend I had when I was in elementary school wanted to spend more time with me then my boyfriend does.
2008-05-05 10:10:30 / Rating: 295.5 /
Emms
There are at least twelve people who now know me only as "the girl with the cool bra."
2008-05-05 10:09:51 / Rating: 268.75 /
Greg
I think I was in that four-star hotel with Noodles in middle school.
2008-05-01 14:32:33 / Rating: 227.75 /
m
It's a heartbreaking moment when your alarm clock goes off and you haven't been to bed yet.
2008-05-01 14:31:58 / Rating: 380.75 /
Stop me if you think you've heard this one before
I came home 13 months ago to learn that my next-door neighbor was being charged with running a considerable drug-distribution ring.
2008-05-01 14:29:06 / Rating: 118.25 /
Kindergarden attempts
At six-years-old my friends passed around a discarded, lit cigarette smoking it perfectly while I couldn't take a drag properly no matter how hard I tried.
2008-05-01 14:28:28 / Rating: 285.25 /
Dormouse
Getting a wowie from my Studio Lighting teacher makes that F in English fizzle away.
2008-05-01 14:27:24 / Rating: 284.75 /
Poppy
Yesterday my four-year-old married his "girlfriend" and they shared a fruit muffin as their wedding cake.
2008-05-01 14:27:14 / Rating: 669 /