lonita
I stole a pack of gum from a grocery store when I was eight, but felt so guilty about it that I left the pack on the windowsill outside.
2008-03-30 08:48:12 / Rating: 287.5 / 
Story archives - March 2008
History Major!
It was harder coming out to my father as a history major than as a lesbian.
2008-03-27 20:36:30 / Rating: 411 /
ChunkyMonkey
When she told me she had seen me driving around town my first thought was, "Oh, God, I hope I wasn't picking my nose!"
2008-03-27 20:36:11 / Rating: 239.75 /
Stressed
My son announced cheerfully that his new sport activity never resulted in injuries - only deaths
2008-03-27 20:35:46 / Rating: 329 /
whackest
I was grateful to my father for finding the ointment until I realized it had expired nineteen years earlier.
2008-03-27 20:35:19 / Rating: 262.5 /
The Bowler Cap Fairy
I was so humiliated I didn't wear them for three years, because I found out that they were fashionable and made by starving foreign kids.
2008-03-27 20:33:45 / Rating: 226.5 /
bewilderedly harrassed
A lesson learned is don't ever post anything on your website that you don't want your sister-in-law to steal from you and use against your brother.
2008-03-27 20:32:55 / Rating: 268.5 /
frenchpunk
My distaste for hip-hop music had always been clear, but now, as I watched the rapper rap and the DJ spin, I stood in awe at their obvious talent and I wasn't so sure about myself anymore.
2008-03-26 13:32:20 / Rating: 274.5 /
Silent Red
Although I never cared before, I am now forced to hate his baseball team on general pretense.
2008-03-26 13:29:38 / Rating: 228.25 /
Wedgie Picker
I turned my back to a car and picked my wedgie so no one would see, but it turned out there were 2 passengers in the car.
2008-03-26 13:29:03 / Rating: 396 /
Khi
Ten years after my fiancée and I split, I found her name among the best lesbian authors on amazon.com.
2008-03-26 13:26:58 / Rating: 298 /
Adoptee
A Google search was an awful way to find out my birth father was dead, but at least I found my birth mother.
2008-03-26 13:26:21 / Rating: 256.5 /
Erin
As soon as I left the office, I realized two things: I was going to throw up, and it would taste like peanut butter.
2008-03-26 13:25:34 / Rating: 329.25 /
mathematically challenged
I'm so terrible at math that my precalculus teacher had me write an essay about why I'm terrible at math so I wouldn't fail the class.
2008-03-26 13:24:59 / Rating: 382 /
Katy
Doing taxes just doesn't seem worth it when your estimated refund is a two-digit number.
2008-03-26 13:24:52 / Rating: 180 /
that girl on the couch
Melted ice cream makes a very poor projectile.
2008-03-26 13:19:25 / Rating: 177.75 /
esoterica
I was so proud and happy to be dating an older man until he whispered, "Can I play with your boobies?"
2008-03-26 13:19:07 / Rating: 284 /
Not quite yet.
My boyfriend's mother looked longingly at her niece's pregnant belly and sighed heavily before casting a sideways glance in my direction.
2008-03-26 13:17:29 / Rating: 337.75 /
Juli
When I found you sitting dead in your chair, my first thought was, "Who's going to give me away at my wedding?"
2008-03-26 13:15:29 / Rating: 359.5 /
LNO
The fact that I was assigned locker 666 on the first day was not a good omen for high school.
2008-03-25 10:53:35 / Rating: 362.5 /
mcleman
When I finally got to see my only son again after 30 years apart, he nonchalantly said: "You know, it's great to meet you, but I already have a dad."
2008-03-25 10:52:57 / Rating: 276 /
Ashley
It's 10:30 pm on a Saturday night, and I get a text from my mom: "Will you pimp my MySpace?"
2008-03-25 10:52:21 / Rating: 580.25 /
Ashamed
My atheist neighbor has helped more people in the past year than my entire congregation has in the past ten.
2008-03-25 10:51:34 / Rating: 2979 /
Airily
I hadn't understood just how much I hated my roommate until I laughed while watching her walk into a glass door and break her nose.
2008-03-25 10:49:20 / Rating: 342.25 /
Zack
No, he's just trying to feed his policeman family.
2008-03-25 10:47:44 / Rating: 239.75 /
drop out
I don't want to go to a school that has to advertise on television.
2008-03-25 10:47:22 / Rating: 323.25 /
Respect
Never could I have conceived that my own father would laugh at my kilt.
2008-03-25 10:46:19 / Rating: 240 /
Tama Boyle
The flatwarming went well and everybody enjoyed it, despite the fact we ran out of guacamole.
2008-03-25 10:46:13 / Rating: 148.25 /
BWG
Despite what most people think, I didn't marry my wife because she is Chinese.
2008-03-25 10:40:18 / Rating: 278 /
A
I started to think I wasn't being taken seriously when he reached over and honked my nose.
2008-03-21 17:13:25 / Rating: 357 /
Sasha
He won $500 on the first scratch ticket he bought on his 18th birthday.
2008-03-21 17:09:27 / Rating: 218.75 /
juju
I vacuumed, on purpose, the rug and, acidentally, the cat.
2008-03-21 17:09:08 / Rating: 399 /
ahera
I still believe that as long as nobody else knows about it, it didn't happen.
2008-03-21 17:08:31 / Rating: 261.75 /
calamity's child
I only read the book so I could start reading the fan fiction.
2008-03-21 17:07:36 / Rating: 244.75 /
homemaker
We bought a house last week but we haven't told our friends or family.
2008-03-21 17:06:54 / Rating: 276.25 /
Cade
When I was six I realized it was impossible to reach the mountains while riding my bike.
2008-03-21 17:06:01 / Rating: 216.5 /
Snarkmeister
Even though it's been almost eight years since it happened, I still won't let my son walk around with a toothbrush in his mouth because I'm afraid he'll trip and puncture his throat again.
2008-03-21 17:05:05 / Rating: 221.5 /
Ashley
When I was seven I made my dad a Father's Day card that said, "Dad, thanks for always taking me to the beer store."
2008-03-20 16:08:29 / Rating: 446.75 /
Laura M
I still feel a tremor run through my body each time I walk downstairs, even though you survived the fall.
2008-03-20 16:08:09 / Rating: 208 /
Laura
After hearing from my mother that my father had lung cancer, the only thing I knew to do was light up a cigarette.
2008-03-20 16:07:14 / Rating: 329.5 /
Emjay
I wasn't sure you were leaving until you bought the most expensive olive oil in the store.
2008-03-20 16:05:28 / Rating: 207 /
A-Idaho
As I listened to a story on NPR, I became aware that I have nothing against prostitution morally.
2008-03-20 16:05:19 / Rating: 237.25 /
Bean
Had I known it would've been our last night together I wouldn't have cancelled our date.
2008-03-20 16:04:56 / Rating: 439.5 /
Wednesday'sChild
I stared into the eyes of a psychopath moments before he killed a girl, shot a dozen people, then took his own life.
2008-03-19 10:12:42 / Rating: 301 /
Obsessive if it doesn't matter
My mother didn't realize that teaching me to fight, shoot, and play pool made it hard to find a boyfriend without tattoos.
2008-03-19 10:10:40 / Rating: 448.5 /
Unemployed
I was so nervous my dog would eat my resume that I printed out five of them and hid them in various places around the house, only to come home to my dress shoes in pieces sprawled across the floor.
2008-03-19 10:06:06 / Rating: 333 /
honez
Oh please, no, not reply all, NO!
2008-03-19 10:04:14 / Rating: 394 /
Not Anna
When the third test finally confirmed that I was pregnant, my strongest emotion was the righteous joy of having been right all along.
2008-03-19 10:04:02 / Rating: 225 /
Ben
I asked her to tell me what the song meant, but a few weeks later she showed me.
2008-03-19 10:03:28 / Rating: 304 /
Addict
Someone asked me what my greatest addiction was, and all I could think of was this damn website.
2008-03-19 10:03:13 / Rating: 269 /
Lethe
It wasn't until he pulled out the sex dice that I noticed I was the only virgin in the room.
2008-03-19 09:54:02 / Rating: 339 /
College man
The flashing red and blue lights told me definitively I was no longer a college student.
2008-03-19 09:53:45 / Rating: 170.75 /
C.
It wasn't until I was cleaning puke off him that I realized my hero was gone forever, along with his bottle of Jager.
2008-03-19 09:52:59 / Rating: 236 /
That Jerk
With her warm breath caressing my cheek, I told her I had a girlfriend.
2008-03-19 09:52:46 / Rating: 215.5 /
The Day The Music Died
And that, my friends, is how I ended up getting my first kiss (from a complete stranger, to boot) at Rocky Horror Picture Show night.
2008-03-19 09:52:14 / Rating: 260.5 /
Faze
I just told my boyfriend of three years that I am leaving him for the alluring woman downstairs.
2008-03-19 09:51:08 / Rating: 204.5 /
Jess
I think my cousin is hitting on me over MSN Messenger.
2008-03-19 09:48:41 / Rating: 221 /
Mary
For weeks after my beloved cat died he hung out in my peripheral vision, a fleeting orange streak in the corner of my eye, as though to assure me he was ok.
2008-03-19 09:48:23 / Rating: 391.75 /
Angie
I found my notebook from second grade, and when I read my words, "It was a good thing when Abraham Lincoln invented Thanksgiving," I realized that second graders are genius... pure genius!
2008-03-19 09:47:45 / Rating: 247.25 /
Rachel
I didn't suspect you of being a pedophile until you lamented the loss of my braces.
2008-03-12 17:48:41 / Rating: 366.5 /
clocks and such
At approximately 1:30 pm on Friday February 1, 2008, I realized that when you get to college they expect you to wear watches.
2008-03-12 17:47:17 / Rating: 295 /
Bad Friend
As I watched my best friend gurgle, splutter, choke, and struggle unsuccessfully for air for over a minute, then pass out face floor on the ground, I thought, "Maybe I should hit her on the back or something."
2008-03-12 17:46:32 / Rating: 321.5 /
blacksheep
I thought about hitting him, but letting him live with himself was much sweeter.
2008-03-12 17:45:01 / Rating: 262.5 /
Veronica
Somehow, turning 21 in a country where you can already drink doesn't make it that special.
2008-03-12 17:44:46 / Rating: 183.5 /
Amy
I looked my mother straight in the eyes and told her I would never treat my kids the way she treated me, then I turned from the mirror and walked away.
2008-03-12 17:44:27 / Rating: 529.5 /
Jacob
I misspelled my own name yesterday.
2008-03-12 17:42:44 / Rating: 340.5 /
Riff
Right after my brother asked for a sign from God, I noticed someone had written the words "FUCK OFF" in the dirt.
2008-03-12 17:42:02 / Rating: 642.5 /
Death and Taxes
He asked me if I would still file his taxes for him after I told him I didn't think I loved him anymore.
2008-03-10 10:18:54 / Rating: 313.75 /
Eternal Flame
I forget which was funnier: the joke my friend told at lunch, or the milk that I shot out of my nose.
2008-03-10 10:18:13 / Rating: 310.75 /
Eternal Flame
I missed my girlfriend so much that I racked up 4,000 minutes of talk time on my cell phone that month.
2008-03-10 10:18:02 / Rating: 257.75 /
Dekay
Being a kindergartner feeling as if he didn't deserve to live should have been an early indication that there's something wrong with me.
2008-03-10 10:17:34 / Rating: 344 /
Miranda
The greatest sense of accomplishment happens when you walk into an emergency room with an injury, and the Doctor smiles and says, "I don't even want to know."
2008-03-10 10:17:09 / Rating: 510.75 /
forgotten facts
A man and a boy trick-or-treated at my house years ago, and I closed the door on them after I had filled their bags, never knowing that they were my father and my brother.
2008-03-10 10:16:45 / Rating: 386.25 /
nerdy
I came out on Facebook.
2008-03-10 10:16:14 / Rating: 434.5 /
Girl of Summer
I realized you weren't checking me out when I saw your wedding ring glint in the midday sun.
2008-03-10 10:14:31 / Rating: 229.75 /
Patricia
When I tell people I'll be getting married at 22, they look at me as if they expected me to be more intelligent than that.
2008-03-10 10:13:16 / Rating: 395.25 /
SteveZ
The priest didn't seem to have any sympathy for me when I complained about my wife giving up sex for lent.
2008-03-10 10:13:09 / Rating: 438.75 /
Anonymous
As I sat happily eating a cup of ice cream, I suddenly noticed the unpleasant taste of dish soap.
2008-03-07 16:56:09 / Rating: 274 /
Sez23
My best friend told me she was gay and had a crush on me for the last two years when we were alone in her empty cabin, knowing that I am a strict Catholic.
2008-03-07 16:55:48 / Rating: 236 /
...!
After discovering his father is a police officer, my grandfather decided to show off his pot plants to my boyfriend.
2008-03-07 16:54:00 / Rating: 371.75 /
Snarkmeister
It really screwed up my day when the dermatologist told me that the weird scar on my nose was actually skin cancer.
2008-03-07 16:53:20 / Rating: 338 /
That Girl
Maybe it's anti-feminist to be flattered when you're the punchline for a guy's vulgar joke.
2008-03-07 16:52:42 / Rating: 175.75 /
Secure
My husband's biggest fear is that I'm going to leave him for a woman or a black man.
2008-03-07 16:52:30 / Rating: 301 /
Crash
I had no time to stop when the oncoming truck made a left turn.
2008-03-07 16:51:11 / Rating: 199.5 /
pacofarley
I gave Pete time to make a decision but he was already halfway to the stage and I was never more proud to be his brother.
2008-03-07 16:50:16 / Rating: 210.5 /
cynthia
The sight of my usually stoic mother weeping on the lid of her brother's casket is one I wish I could have gone a lifetime without seeing.
2008-03-07 16:48:18 / Rating: 304.75 /
Jessica
"I can't give you my number because I'm in an exclusive uncommitted one year relationship with a man I see on the weekends," doesn't have a very convincing ring to it.
2008-03-07 16:47:13 / Rating: 309 /
Crazy Bob
When I told my wife what had happened, she laughed dismissively and said that the girl had probably learned how to do it at camp.
2008-03-07 16:46:44 / Rating: 248.25 /
So I started again.
You have no idea how many people distrust your willpower until you tell them you decide to quit smoking.
2008-03-06 13:04:01 / Rating: 296.5 /
DanR
Lying next to my beautiful six-foot green-eyed girlfriend was kind of like lying next to the Rocky Mountains, and just as breathtaking.
2008-03-06 13:03:53 / Rating: 491.25 /
The Sick Girl
I used to consider one of my biggest talents to be pill-swallowing because I could swallow 8-13 medicines and supplements at a time.
2008-03-06 13:02:47 / Rating: 213.25 /
LNO
I called a certain moronic President a "bozo" and my mom told me that we do not "blaspheme the president."
2008-03-06 13:02:16 / Rating: 323 /
Dormouse
He said "Do you think you could help me with this riddle?" as he smiled and took my hand.
2008-03-06 11:47:58 / Rating: 235.5 /
Steve
It wasn't until I handed the bouncer my ten dollars that I realized how pathetic it was to be at a strip-club on prom night.
2008-03-06 11:47:26 / Rating: 290.5 /
Survivor
I was freaking out because our rental car began to float, until I saw the wall of water coming right for us.
2008-03-06 11:46:54 / Rating: 152 /
Steve
The chains resonated loudly as the rollercoater climbed toward the top, and I just kept wishing I hadn't smoked that joint.
2008-03-06 11:46:40 / Rating: 246.25 /
Bobina
Getting to be your ex-girlfriend is totally worth having to have been your girlfriend first.
2008-03-06 11:46:09 / Rating: 293.75 /
tal
If I'd known it was possible to be a lesbian, I never would have dated him.
2008-03-06 11:45:24 / Rating: 286.5 /
Grafwritah.com
I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't think of a tactful way to say, "Hey, your glass eye is crooked."
2008-03-05 12:37:57 / Rating: 300.5 /
Patricia
Public relations turns journalists into whores.
2008-03-05 12:37:21 / Rating: 221.5 /
Michele G.
None of us realized how loudly we were talking until the word "vagina" rang out into the hallway and seemed to just hang there like red neon.
2008-03-05 12:37:04 / Rating: 385.25 /
Aeryn Lee
I told my boss that when my dog died I would need a week of for a death in the family.
2008-03-05 12:35:33 / Rating: 283.25 /
Hopeless Romantic
I was wondering about my sexuality, but when she smiled at me, I started planning how I was going to come out to my mom.
2008-03-03 13:02:38 / Rating: 462.25 /
Ben
Before that night, I'd thought it was only in movies that people could dance in the rain and not care how wet they got.
2008-03-03 13:01:29 / Rating: 417 /
Shadow
I was 14 when I grasped my fathers lifeless hand and realized I didn't hate him after all.
2008-03-03 13:01:04 / Rating: 674.5 /
ray.
If I had known it would've been the last piggyback ride, I would've asked you to carry me much further.
2008-03-03 12:59:02 / Rating: 451 /
Seven
You know it's time to do dishes when you find yourself eating a TV dinner with a butter knife.
2008-03-03 12:58:11 / Rating: 468 /