lovefatewrite
I just found my brother's profile on Yahoo! personals (and he lied about his age).
2007-11-30 13:39:16 / Rating: 254.25 / 
Story archives - November 2007
wanawachee
Her text simply read, "We're getting married."
2007-11-30 13:39:00 / Rating: 237.25 /
wanawachee
After sixteen years, I believe I have finally fully paid my Karmic debt for pantsing Little-Dick-Don in front of our Boy Scout troop.
2007-11-30 13:38:39 / Rating: 286 /
indi
Sitting at work, editing boring conference sound clips, all I wanted to do was save them under the "Death Metal" Genre and see if anyone noticed.
2007-11-30 13:38:11 / Rating: 255.5 /
Forgotten Granddaughter
She cried so hard, I though the casket was going to fall over.
2007-11-30 13:36:59 / Rating: 261.25 /
Ace
My brother ambled into the room, sipping his drink, and said thoughtfully: "You know, I wish there was something like iced tea... but warm."
2007-11-30 13:36:07 / Rating: 445.75 /
Broken Bones
I am displeased to report that my first crowd surfing attempt was ultimately unsuccessful.
2007-11-30 13:35:52 / Rating: 247.25 /
too late
I never had the courage to talk to him when he was right upstairs but I drove for two days with no insurance to see him die the next day.
2007-11-30 13:35:35 / Rating: 297.5 /
sleepy
The next morning, he informed me with sad eyes that I said someone else's name in my sleep.
2007-11-30 13:35:06 / Rating: 208.5 /
fluffy
He wouldn't eat the turkey, so we told him it was Thanksgiving Chicken.
2007-11-27 09:54:13 / Rating: 258.25 /
obsessed
"Staying together for the kids" gained a whole new meaning last night.
2007-11-27 09:54:03 / Rating: 269.5 /
Toto Too
At sixteen I was shocked to discover that Oz was a world of vivid color because every year I had watched 'The Wizard Of Oz' on the tiny black and white television which was the only television my impoverished household could afford.
2007-11-27 09:53:36 / Rating: 375.25 /
wanawachee
The letter from the IRS politely explained that they would like the taxes I haven't paid for over ten years.
2007-11-27 09:53:24 / Rating: 237.5 /
Not the answer I was expecting
In the dark, early morning hours of September 11th, 2001, I sincerely prayed to God that no one would be killed that day in order to balance out the string of violent murders that had commited across the country the week before.
2007-11-27 09:53:08 / Rating: 236.25 /
Hurt
Every time I spend a dollar of the 15 grand indemnification I got after the accident, my knee actually hurts.
2007-11-26 12:38:46 / Rating: 272.5 /
Lo and behold
I am still not sure if the IBS, stunted growth, amenorrhea, depression, and anxiety I now am cursed with were worth the flawless skin I sought so passionately.
2007-11-26 12:38:11 / Rating: 247.75 /
Brendan
As a child, I would lay my shirt on the bed with the front facing me and then lift the shirt over my head, inadvertently ensuring that I had it on backward every single day.
2007-11-26 12:37:21 / Rating: 312.75 /
Sara
This morning while in the shower the ground shook, and I realized my greatest fear is to die naked.
2007-11-26 12:36:50 / Rating: 464.25 /
Oldestgenxer
The lesson I learned that night was "Don't sleep your way backstage to a show that only costs five bucks."
2007-11-26 12:36:44 / Rating: 332 /
Harrison's Dad
During the 90 minutes he was in our arms, his mother and I loved him a lifetime.
2007-11-26 12:35:50 / Rating: 667.75 /
blondie
Moving from Los Angeles to a town not even noted on any major map has made me realize that when it comes down to it, we are all alone.
2007-11-26 12:35:13 / Rating: 285.5 /
Thumbtack
As the Senior Drill Instructor howled corrections at me for the umpteenth time that morning I tried to remember if my recruiter mentioned any of this when we talked about me going to college and letting Uncle Sam pay for it.
2007-11-26 12:34:31 / Rating: 180.5 /
Mark
As I sit here, barely listening to a lecture about divesting interests in a mature market, I am suddenly struck with the realization that I don't belong here.
2007-11-26 12:33:54 / Rating: 265.5 /
Dmann
An intoxicated man pointed to a car's license plate and said to me "This chinaman is from Iwo Jima" and when I looked at the license plate it said "IOWA."
2007-11-24 18:32:42 / Rating: 361.25 /
SC
Even now, five months later, I can still see the skidmarks on that stretch of highway.
2007-11-24 18:31:14 / Rating: 304 /
Alisha
In less than 24 hours, I found out he constantly dropped ecstasy, cheated on me by sleeping with his cousin's 15 year old best friend, fooled around with his best friend's sister, and that everything I knew in this world from the man I was ready to marry was a lie.
2007-11-24 18:30:56 / Rating: 386.5 /
A.L.D.
My father died as I asked my grandmother why she was crying.
2007-11-24 18:30:06 / Rating: 334.75 /
Just Me
I undercooked an egg today and later got on Wikipedia to look up salmonella.
2007-11-24 18:29:35 / Rating: 197.75 /
Parastoo
He thought the slap I gave him was just an experiment in light S and M, but it was actually the anger of the past few months that I had to release in order to bring myself to sleep with him.
2007-11-24 18:29:26 / Rating: 307.75 /
Theresa
When I was a kid I thought vampire's teeth were like straws.
2007-11-24 18:28:55 / Rating: 378.5 /
Don't Fall In Love
You tried to keep your secret from me for so long, but who knew that I would have discovered it online?
2007-11-24 18:28:04 / Rating: 256 /
Jackie A.
Her uncle promised she could have any one item in Salvation Army for her birthday, but when she pointed at the fur coat she'd been coveting for three years he decided she wasn't worth it and bought her a pair of stockings instead.
2007-11-24 18:27:27 / Rating: 269.5 /
Walker, VA Ranger
It cost me $17,000 to prove to my son that steel wool is truly flammable.
2007-11-20 15:11:30 / Rating: 310.75 /
Walker, VA Ranger
I told my mom the smell was from burning the leaves in the yard and she believed me until my sister came home stoned two weeks later.
2007-11-20 15:11:21 / Rating: 305 /
Walker, VA Ranger
It was hard to explain how our sober, designated driver friend was the one with the third degree burns on his ass while the rest of us were fine.
2007-11-20 15:10:54 / Rating: 246 /
without an anchor
Every one of my many heartbreaks could have been avoided had you not waited until I was 32 to tell me you loved me.
2007-11-20 15:09:53 / Rating: 1276.75 /
BatGirl
Maureen had anticipated the arrival of this parcel for days but when it arrived she could not open it, due to the overwhelming fear that she had wasted her money on yet another useless gadget to clutter up her designer house.
2007-11-20 15:09:21 / Rating: 150 /
Lollipoop
When I turnd twenty-eight I suddenly developed a deep fear of quiet rooms.
2007-11-19 23:25:22 / Rating: 120.5 /
bottom
Truly admirable friends go with you on frantic and unnecessary detours simply so you can avoid someone you probably should talk to.
2007-11-19 23:25:03 / Rating: 341.25 /
Sam Tan
I thought I was a Chinese, until I went to China.
2007-11-19 23:23:25 / Rating: 279.25 /
Just me
I am one of the ones that got burned by a home loan that was too good to be true.
2007-11-19 23:22:02 / Rating: 195 /
Danielle
If my writing career doesn't work out, I'll invent a cereal which is composed of only marshmallows.
2007-11-19 23:21:54 / Rating: 332.75 /
Katy
I was all excited about making my first online purchase until I realized that it would arrive the day I catch an early morning flight across the country.
2007-11-19 23:21:45 / Rating: 216.25 /
Ryan
Of all the things for a teacher to overhear me saying in class, "chafed areola" was probably not the best, even in context.
2007-11-15 22:21:55 / Rating: 501.5 /
La De Da
It's never like the movies...we pulled the plug and he took two hours to die.
2007-11-15 22:21:37 / Rating: 522.25 /
Agent Man
"Let's find out!" I said as I reached for the piece of dental floss hanging out of my dog's butt.
2007-11-15 21:50:11 / Rating: 278 /
Twizzler
I met a woman at the beach who taught me that nurses that were 13 years my senior knew how to do things I could not imagine.
2007-11-15 21:49:41 / Rating: 252.5 /
tanya kristine
One morning while training a new employee, I silently farted and she said "Mmm! Someone’s cooking bacon!"
2007-11-15 21:48:55 / Rating: 524.75 /
Bear
On that trip to Switzerland we learned that yes, indeed, you can get a bumblebee drunk.
2007-11-14 10:55:46 / Rating: 375.25 /
panserbjorn
(I've been trying to hide how much I like you, but the most subtle I can be is within parentheses).
2007-11-14 10:55:30 / Rating: 590.25 /
kc
Despite living together for months now, I can't currently tell whether my roommate is crying or if he's having phone sex.
2007-11-14 10:54:51 / Rating: 397 /
Nicole
I knew I was pronouncing "island" (is-land) wrong when I discovered the word "isle" in third grade.
2007-11-14 10:54:09 / Rating: 322.25 /
Heather
I look at the food longingly as my stomach grumbles, knowing that he's controlled me for so long that the only thing I have control over in my life is the food I put into my mouth.
2007-11-12 22:52:38 / Rating: 341 /
Lost Theories
When I arrived at the memorial site, I couldn't think of anything witty or poignent to write, so I just carved 'I miss you' into the telephone pole that killed you and went home.
2007-11-12 22:51:31 / Rating: 1828.75 /
Teacher
It did not take me long to realize that I was VERY wrong in thinking my students would find it fun and easy to write a one sentence story.
2007-11-12 22:50:14 / Rating: 237.5 /
Eximus
As I looked at my old lecture notes, a doctoral thesis in math and physics, I realized: nothing will ever make me feel smart.
2007-11-12 22:49:29 / Rating: 332.5 /
jessica pauli jo
It was the eleventh minute of the eleventh hour on the eleventh day of the eleventh month, when I wished for him to love me... if wishing on 11:11 ever worked it should've worked extra that morning.
2007-11-12 22:48:03 / Rating: 316 /
Curry
As I looked back on that horribly mortifying moment I realized it could have been much worse, it could have been my mom that walked in.
2007-11-12 22:47:18 / Rating: 430.5 /
The Guru
Eating--alone--the warm brownie covered by cold vanilla ice cream and smothered with thick chocolate syrup sure beat finding the highway in the dark.
2007-11-09 11:05:10 / Rating: 257.75 /
Tessa V
I was hoping that I would be disappointed by the booty call so that I'd stop liking you so much.
2007-11-09 11:04:08 / Rating: 343.75 /
my rule
I am an Asian with the name of Rosa, so I can never marry a man with a Mexican last name because it will cause too much confusion.
2007-11-09 11:03:44 / Rating: 214.75 /
Limey
The only thing harder than giving a kitten a bath is giving two kittens a bath.
2007-11-09 11:03:04 / Rating: 298.25 /
Amelia Larson
When my phone rang, I expected to hear her voice, but all I heard was her mother crying and saying, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I didn't believe you."
2007-11-09 11:02:54 / Rating: 666.5 /
Raze
I convinced all of my housemates that they shared my craving for grilled cheese and tomato soup, so that my craving could be fulfilled.
2007-11-09 11:02:18 / Rating: 334.75 /
fluffy
Answering the door to trick-or-treaters in all her hairless chemo glory, my mother has inspired me more than she could ever imagine.
2007-11-09 11:01:52 / Rating: 552.25 /
Toe Jammed
This afternoon in the Men's room I heard a guy in my office break up with his girlfriend while taking a dump and thought the "dumping while dumping" was cool.
2007-11-09 10:58:59 / Rating: 219.75 /
Toe Jammed
I still can't believe Josh hit the deer on a bridge that was 60 feet over the water and 300 yards from either shoreline.
2007-11-09 10:58:34 / Rating: 172.25 /
incitemaybe
My cats and I slept through the afternoon with limbs askew like old forgotten puppets.
2007-11-07 16:31:31 / Rating: 352 /
Aquaintence
I learned today that a kid I used to go to school with was shot in the head and died yesterday.
2007-11-07 16:31:18 / Rating: 254.75 /
Embarassed
She accidentally picked the wrong contact, sending a dirty text message to her Dad rather than her boyfriend Dan.
2007-11-07 16:30:37 / Rating: 401 /
Anathema
Only after being caught having an affair with her husband did I regret betraying my best friend.
2007-11-07 13:15:25 / Rating: 225.75 /
fairydust
I developed a strangely powerful phobia of riding in elevators with even marginally beautiful women after I realized I had bisexual tendancies.
2007-11-07 13:14:57 / Rating: 220.25 /
Ibutton77
I swung the axe convinced I could show my dad a thing or two about cutting wood, but the lesson I learned that day was taught by my toe.
2007-11-07 13:14:36 / Rating: 340 /
Pay no attention to the backhoe outside
Our family's ability to pretend nothing is wrong was never tested more than when the backhoe burying my neice's horse was operating in full view of the Thanksgiving Dinner table.
2007-11-07 13:14:19 / Rating: 305.5 /
Holy Roller Novocaine
I may have cost my company ten million dollars yesterday, but it's more important for me right now to figure out who in my office I would cast in 'Office Space' roles.
2007-11-07 13:13:45 / Rating: 267.25 /
floss
My dog just bit my mean neighbor, but while I apologized profusely to him I was secretly deciding on what kind of treat to give her when we got back home.
2007-11-07 13:13:30 / Rating: 356.25 /
sa
I was never very close with my Grandfather, so it's no surprise that when he died and all my cousins received a cherished belonging of his, I got some socks.
2007-11-05 13:30:09 / Rating: 248 /
Hurt
I knew my accident had been serious business when I saw the newspaper headlines a couple of weeks later, stating, "Boy (19) Tricked Death."
2007-11-05 13:22:57 / Rating: 284.5 /
WarDamnEagle
There are two kinds of friends in the world: the ones who help you up when you've passed out in a bar and call a cab and the ones that take 'funny' pictures of you.
2007-11-05 13:20:56 / Rating: 1382 /
shmizoke
Upon my arrival, thirty minutes after they'd ordered, I experienced the all too familiar pizza delivery scenario when the customer doesn't have the money ready, asks me to wait, eventually returning to the door so we can begin counting quarters one at a time, and I end up with a three cent tip!
2007-11-05 13:20:24 / Rating: 123.5 /
Blogfrog
I don't think he's noticed, but when I'm mad at him I don't wear his shirt to bed.
2007-11-02 14:42:13 / Rating: 517.5 /
Tek Moreson
I stole his wallet, but the picture of his little girl caused me to feel guilty for the first time in a very long time.
2007-11-02 14:40:56 / Rating: 481.25 /
Lo and behold
The way he pronounced "gyros" made me want to strangle him, which he knew, so he said it as often as possible.
2007-11-02 14:40:38 / Rating: 307.25 /
Dormouse
Burping the taste of Goldfish is one of life's wonderful things.
2007-11-02 14:39:29 / Rating: 281 /
Spankella
I just met the band.
2007-11-02 14:37:58 / Rating: 192.5 /
Kelly
I needed to pay for a hostel in Budapest, but I didn't have any Forint or know where the ATM was.
2007-11-02 14:37:51 / Rating: 189.5 /
Cupcake
"$8.59 is a very reasonable price for peace of mind," she thought as she pitched the negative pregnancy test in the trash.
2007-11-02 14:36:52 / Rating: 535.75 /